Can you keep a secret? ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

I can't

At my first zine fest in April, I asked people to tell me a secret at my table. The only rule was to remain anonymous and decide if they were okay with me putting their secret in a zine. I ripped up some paper I found and put it in an old tin I got from a goodwill, grabbed a pen from my pocket, and put it at the top of my table. Whenever someone stopped by I just said “do you wanna tell me a secret?”

Maybe this prompt broke the ice between me and some visitors.

Maybe it made them uncomfortable and awkwardly back away.

Regardless at the end of the day I had a tin full of secrets that I promised not to keep.

For all of June, I’m going to illustrate these secrets and post the progress here. By the end of the month I’ll turn this project into a zine. Consider becoming a paid subscriber to follow the creative process of this project and many others and bring the finished digital zine straight to your inbox. A printed version will also be available on my etsy!

What are secrets anyway?

After I asked folks at my table to tell me a secret, I got this response multiple times:

“But I don’t have any secrets.”

I don’t believe that! Because everyone has secrets.

Even little secrets that you don’t realize are secrets. Here’s a secret that’s between you and me: I use a classic glass dinner sugar dispenser for both my salt AND sugar just because if I ever make the mistake of confusing salt for sugar in my morning coffee, I just think it would be a hilarious inside joke with myself. It’s prank for future myself and if I ever fall into my own trap, well, I think it would remind me slow down, why are you rushing somewhere?

Sometimes the word “secret” reminds us of darker, hurtful, and harmful information about ourselves and our experiences that we don’t want others to see or know about— These kinds of secrets isolate us from our whole selves. I refuse to believe that these are the only kinds of secrets. I think I’m trying to find secrets that connect us to our truths and make us feel safe and authentically our present selves.

Because yesterday me is waiting for future me to fall for her prank and present me is waiting to see how this all turns out!

⋆˚꩜｡First secrets⋆˚꩜｡

Secret #1

“I think fish are thinking mean thoughts— which is part of why I’m vegetarian.”

I knew I wanted some kind of sardine tin situation where the fish are silently judging this person. If you’ve seen my past posts you know that I’m pretty minimal in my color palette but this morning I wanted to play with color. But alas, play does not always mean “fun.” Play is hard work and sometimes stressful and looking at my first drawing now, it’s funny to say that I was very stressed about color schemes and facial expressions. I used neocolor ll’s and microns for this one. I think I spent too long making this. I didn’t time myself, but maybe I should next time. In my opinion, I think this version came out very “tight.” I’m glad I stretched myself a little and that I finished a drawing I didn’t want to finish.

Personally the second version I made in 30 minutes after I saw a friend is my favorite. I love how loose it is and the textures of the neocolors with graphite and color pencil. I also think my lettering is cleaner here.

Let me know which one is your favorite in the comments!

Secret #2

I spoke to another friend about this project and she told me a secret to add. Her secret:

I’m a shy pooper

She’s too shy to poop in her boyfriend’s parent’s downstairs bathroom. So to reduce her performance anxiety, one day after their morning coffee, her knight in shining-armor offered to her the most coziest and safest throne in the house to do the deed— this is love.

So of course, I had to draw this. It took a few tries on paper and on my ipad. I was just having a hard time using limited lines to draw the guy. Overall, I’m happy with it!

I hope this gets you to think about about your own secrets and what they look like on paper. I can’t wait to keep this project going. I hope you’ll join me :)

r